It's never enough..

When it's late at night and I have nothing to do, I get to thinking. Recently, I guess I've done a lot of bullshit things I wouldn't have done a year or so ago. I'm not talking about getting drunk or stuff like that. It's more.. on the intimate side. You know, with a person. Don't get me wrong; it's not bad, but it makes me question myself. If I keep it up, aren't I just setting myself up to get hurt a third time? Or maybe it's just one of those growing up things. Something you can't help. Something you just keep going back to cause you know it's always there. Perhaps the only thing that worries me is if maybe I'm the only one reading too much into it. What if I'm the only one trying to reignite something that maybe isn't there anymore. Or maybe I'm just.. too hopeful. Or hopeless.

Relationships. Those are a toughie. I hate being emotionally bound to a person. Sometimes. One of the things I don't get either is when people find out how I'm still close to my exes and they say "Wow, that says a lot about you." Does it really? What does it say then except for me being nice?

Undone.

So I haven't written here for about.. two months. That's depressing.

Hidden Messages.

I haven't really written in here in awhile. I mean, I've started other posts, but I haven't finished them. They're always half-written, half-thought out, half-meaningful. So I guess this is going to be my official post since April.

May 10th
That was pretty fun. I didn't expect it to be that way actually. I thought it was just gonna be some regular party, but it was really intimate. I tried to make my 18 candles as heartfelt as I could, considering I only had like an hour to write them. My feet were dying from all that dancing. I've never danced so much in my life. Haha. What's funny is that a bunch of people were surprised I invited both my exes to the party. I guess it's sort of unusual, but I like to keep things good between us. Even if it's hard at times, you know. All in all, it was wonderful and the decorations were gorgeous. Everyone was so generous with the presents. I got a total of $3,500 and a bunch of gifts. I'm extremely grateful. You have no idea. I don't have many pictures that I took so I'm waiting on a copy of the ones my Ninong took.

May 11th

My godbrother Sami's first birthday! This was more of a kid's party. Cupcakes. Balloons. A caricature artist. Games. I still had fun though. Free food. :) & I got a caricature done so I have that hanging in my room. Anyway, I love Sami! He keeps me so sane.
I'm starting to get lazy...

May 16th

Prooom. This is what basically every Senior looks forward to. It was pretty fun. I kind of expected more out of it. The DJ wasn't exactly the best and the songs he picked sounded all the same to me. So I sat out for some songs. Everyone looked good. :) Unfortunately, Frankie & I came a little late so we missed the group pictures. The party bus was a bit cramped. Some people had to sit on top of one another or had to stand. That sucked. I love Mr. Del Prete. I'm gonna miss him tons when I graduate. He's just one of those guys that brightens your day, even when he tries to be mean. We went to New York afterwards. The ride there seemed to take long and I was exhausted so I kept dozing off. When we got there, it was still freezing and rainy. I'm pretty sure that's why I got a sore throat. We were allowed to walk around until 2 AM, but Frankie & I decided to chill on the bus with like three other people. It was nice. Honestly, I miss talking to him like that. Face to face, not through AIM or any online device. It was like we were back to how we were Junior year. But that's just me. Oh well. After awhile, most people started coming back and all that. I sort of slept for the most part on the way home. We didn't get back to Erica's until 3 AM. Frankie was knocked out. I think RJ & Kristine were the only ones who were awake; like really awake. Thanks to Starbucks. I got home around 3:30 and totally knocked out until 12:30. Good sleep.

May 17th
Dance recital. I got there at 6:30. Oh man, I felt so bad. I had NO idea I was supposed to be there for the second show so my partner had to pretend catch me. Hahaha. I felt horrible, but I wasn't in trouble. I was in the gym by myself most of the time cause everyone in my class either had a ton of numbers to perform or were on staff. I was busy texting Keisha. Anyway, our number went well. Lalala, I got a medal for participating and a rose since I'm graduating and won't be back next year. I guess I'll miss it. My class was pretty fun and so was my teacher. Now I'm free Saturdays and I can sleep in later. :)

That's basically what happened in the month of May.
Right now, I'm not sure if I'm content with life. I was before, but what happened after prom kind of screwed me over, y'know. Now I'm having second thoughts. Or actually just re-evaluating everything. Why? That's what I keep asking myself. I don't even know if I want to know the answer, but it just bugs the hell out of me. Is that really all I'm good for? I don't want it to be. But then again... argh. Why do I even still have these feelings? Grr. I'm really frustrated. I don't even know what to do anymore. Baaah. :(


& here I go, drifting away from people again. AKSDJLAKSDJ.


But besides all that stupid stuff, I'm still doing pretty well in school (except for Anatomy - but who cares). I think I can handle one C on my report card. AP Physics is already over a 100 and I got a 200/200 on my AP Lit paper. Hopefully better weather will be on its way soon. It seems to be raining every day. That should improve my mood, just a little bit.

Said and done.

I'm extremely exhausted. Pft, school's being lame as always. I finally enrolled into Rutgers University so that's where I'll be for the next four years of my life. I'm somewhat excited. I'm not sure yet. We'll see. This is gonna be short, cause I'm tired.

Senior trip was fantastic. There's nothing else to look forward to for a long time.

You said we'd talk.

So far, spring break is not what I hoped it be. I haven't done anything productive except print out invitations and play chauffeur for my mom, sister, and godmother. Bah.

You know that stage of being almost asleep, but not really? I think that's when I start to think a lot. Like a lot, a lot. I always reach this point where I don't know where I'm heading in life or what I want. Or how I feel in general. This week has been a waste because I haven't been feeling happy. And I regret not being happy because I know it's pathetic to feel this way every single day, but I don't know. I'm pretty damn sure I could be happier if I tried, but there's nothing here that makes me happy. I want a hobby just so I can fill up my time, but I don't have the money to fulfill those needs. Reading's alright, but it's so old. I do it all the time.

I really don't know. I watched Donnie Darko the other day. I remember going "I know how that feels" when this scene took place:
Dr. Thurman: Do you feel alone right now?
Donnie: Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.

That's basically how I feel. I mean, I'm pretty damn sure I have friends who I can obviously go to whenever I have problems, etc. but I don't know. I want to talk to them and yet I don't want to at the same time. If that makes sense. Probably not. You know how everyone (almost everyone) has that one person who they can always rely on, joke around with, talk about the most philosophical thing in the world and not sound insane to them, ask for advice, etc.? I don't have that right now and that's what bothers me. Eighteen years and I don't have that. Maybe it's just me. I'm so cynical now after all that's happened. I'm probably being melodramatic, but ugh. I hate investing all my emotions into one person, expecting too much, and not get anything out of it, you know? I somehow manage to get hurt no matter how well I think I emotionally protect myself. It's to the point where I don't really try anymore. What's the point in really trying when I'm only setting myself up to get hurt in the end? More than I intended to in the beginning. I do try to be happy. I smile when I feel like shit, but that hasn't gotten me anywhere at all. I'm tired of finding out the good and the bad in my life and pretending I'm okay. Maybe I am. I just don't feel it. And not feeling it is deadly in itself because I feel emotionally dead. Despondent even.

I went to the doctor's today. I need my blood works re-done. If my thyroid whatever level is still out of range (mine was 39.6 I think and the norm was 39.0), I need my thyroid scan. Lovely. Maybe that might explain my fatigue, increase in appetite, and lack of weight gain. Or that could just be a byproduct of my emotional problems. Whatever.

And now my brother might be staying in Philippines for school. Ugh. Although we fought like cats and dogs and we hardly spoke to one another when he was here, I miss him. I felt like crying when I read the comment he left me cause staying there for school is a long time. :( Baaah.

I'm always setting myself up for stuff like this. I need someone to vent to. Or a vacation. A real one.

All I can do is sigh.

Gasm.

Just my luck, you know. Right when I'm at my halfway point for that Rebel XTi, Canon has to come out with a new one: the Rebel XSi. Which is approx. going to be $900, almost $300 more expensive. But ah, I want it. It comes out in April though.

This was pointless. I'll save the juicy stuff for later.

Speak.

What am I doing with my life???

Meet me in Montauk.

I miss talking. Not the "how are you, etc., etc.," bullshit, but real talk. Real conversation where you care (or at least pretend to) about what I say. Is it that hard?

Tell me, is it?

I really don't like how I am right now. Academically, I'm excelling. Emotionally, I'm dying. I don't know where I stand with you anymore (this can apply to more than one person, by the way). It's actually really sad cause I thought things would be different. And that feeling, that horrible, horrible feeling when your heart skips a beat at the very thought of you is killing me.

Stop.



I wonder if you still feel the same way, but then I try to shrug away the thoughts knowing you don't. It hurts. Wanting to know, but not wanting to say it. I'm afraid of the answer. I'm afraid of what you think of me.

I am Jack's broken heart.

I've been having Fight Club and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind in my head lately. Sorry if I allude to them too much.

I am a complete disappointment. I had an anxiety attack in school yesterday. It was pretty horrible. I don't want to feel that again. I am pathetic.

I'll finish this later.

You had me at hello,

but you're slowly fading away into the darkness.

& I don't like it at all.

Back to the Basics.

Am I the only one who still has a reason to care?

I've been feeling.. not me lately. If that makes any sense. I'm trying to re-evaluate my life and my goals. I've had a change of perspective recently with what I want to do and such. It's still a plan in the making and I'm not exactly sure if I'll be able to go through with it, but maybe if I'm motivated enough. Yes, I really am thinking about dropping becoming a pediatrician to be a neurologist instead. Lethal.

Feeling under-the-weather is annoying. It affects how other people perceive me. If I don't feel good, I don't act good. The thing with that is, people don't really know when I feel good or bad unless I tell them. I've always been someone who was able to comfort herself. I was never one to lean on other people for support even when I really needed to. Over the years, it feels as if I never really "settled" into having a complete best friend, a confidant. I mean, there are people I talk to, but there's never anyone who I can completely trust to the point where I can tell them anything and they always have something to say, not just a "Aw, it's okay" or "Don't worry." I need advice. Real advice. Real conversation. I don't want pity at all. That's the worst thing you can do to me; pity me. It's almost March and I'm already feeling this way all over again. I've always prided myself on being able to control situations and keep my emotions in check, but lately, I've been slacking in that area. These emotions have been.. accumulating over the years and months and I've never had a real outlet for it. I haven't been purging my emotions to anyone because I feel as if they won't really, truly understand. Right now, I don't know. I'm not an attention seeker. I just like the comfort of knowing that there's someone out there who I can lean on and who can help me with my problems.

Ever since mid-February, I've been feeling a lot of emotional stress. Usually, I try not to acknowledge it in hopes of it going away on its own. I have a thing where I think if I don't take notice of whatever is bothering me and shrug it off, it won't come true. Well, that totally backfired this weekend and it's been bugging me ever since. Deep down, I am an emotional person. On the outside, I just seem distant and cold, but in reality I'm intuitive and I take everything that happens to me and around me into account. I think about it to the point of over-analyzing. Yes, I know that's bad, but it's something I can't help. I always have to question. I need a reason or else I blame myself for everything. I'm okay in school, but when I'm alone and with time to think, that's when it gets to me. I have a realistic outlook on life (which most often people see as pessimism when it really isn't) and I like to know things. I don't like being kept in the dark or lied to or be given false hope. It's a thing of the past for me. My emotional stress is being translated into physical exhaustion. I haven't been feeling well lately and I don't even remember when I've felt extremely rested.

I feel completely helpless.

Fiasco.

That was all just for fun. I've grown fond of dressing up. There's always so much going on in my head. Sad? I think so. Blahblahblahblahblahblah.



"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."
- Author Unknown.

Empty.

I'm never good at any of this. I really can't keep doing this anymore. But I was right. My hunch or whatever I've been feeling for the past few weeks turned out to be right. Unfortunately.

Apart from that,
I'm going to focus all my energy on stuff that matters. Like school. Just school, for now. Good-bye MySpace & Facebook & other useless contraptions.


"You have to forget about what other people say, when you're supposed to die, or when you're supposed to be loving. You have to forget about all these things."
- Jimi Hendrix.

Razón.

"You're getting older, and you'll see that life isn't like your fairy tales. The world is a cruel place. And you'll learn that, even if it hurts."
- Pan's Labyrinth.

I watched it for the second time today. That movie will be one of my most favorite movies ever. I love the concept as well as the message Guillermo sends out to the audience, even though it is a little too graphic. I watched the director's commentary this time around and he pointed out a lot of things that I didn't notice while watching the film. Movies that make me think and have so much substance in it is amazing.

Besides that, the weekend was pretty much uneventful. I am somewhat upset at how things are going or not going for that matter. Am I doing something wrong? It must be something except I just don't know what. It's aggravating. I really don't know. =/ I hope it's not what I think it is cause that would just destroy me. I want to cry, but I don't want to be stupid. UGH. This is probably extremely vague, but it's for a reason.

I went to a get-together today with my dad's old neighbors/childhood friends from Philippines. It was boring for the most part since there was no one there my age, but I listened to the stories they told each other. Granted, it was in another language so I may have misinterpreted a few things, but it was better than sitting around and just eating. I'd really like to learn more about my family history. I know some stuff like my Spanish blood and how my dad grew up, but I want to know more. Everything, if possible. They were talking about my grandmother (dad's side) and it upsets me how much I don't know about her and how I don't remember her at all. She passed away in 1995 and I moved from Philippines in 1993 so I don't remember anything about her. I know more about her side of the family than my grandfather's side though. Both have heavy Spanish influences, I know that much. And come from pretty wealthy families. That's about it though. I guess I just want to know more about myself and where I come from. I think it's interesting.

Anyway, we'll see how everything goes about this week. Let's hope this weekend will make up for this one past.


Edit.
I laugh every time I look at my report card. I really have no idea how I'm doing better in my AP classes than my regular classes. And a 91 in AP Physics? I don't know how I pulled that off. My 84 on my Calculus midterm was surprising; I thought I failed. I'll do better this marking period. I have to cause stupid Rutgers is making me. :(

Frustration.

GAH. Stupid camera's been acting up today. Focus is being retarded. I'm so annoyed. I guess I bumped it one too many times. It's a measly little thing, but it usually captures what I want. Not today. Hmph.

I give up. And that other thing, I'm not gonna make an effort anymore.
Whatever.


Edit.
Here's some stuff from Valentine's Day or related to it.

"O lamentable day!"

That's from Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet, by the way. Fitting for tomorrow, isn't it? :)

I've always thought Valentine's Day was such a gimmick celebrated by tools and idiots. Even when I have a boyfriend on that day, I still hated it. I hated the mush, sappiness, red&pink combinations, overabundance of useless stuffed animals. What I hated the most was the bitching and moaning I had to listen to by people who were getting over a break up or were just single and feeling sorry for themselves.

And here I am bitching and moaning about how much I hate it. I'm lame.


Besides that, I got accepted into Rutgers University. I got wait-listed for the College of Nursing though. :( It's okay. If I decide to go there, I might major in Cell Biology & Neuroscience and a minor in Psychology by way of the Pre-Med track. I'm not sure though. It's up in the air.

My Main Man.

My baby godbrother is adorable. You really have no idea until you meet him. I am in love with the above picture of him. Thank God he stayed still long enough for me to take it. He's at that age where he just wants to crawl and grab at anything (it was my camera the day I took the picture). Every time I give him a spoonful of apple sauce, he goes "Mmmmmmm" in the cutest way possible. Haha. The other day, my sister and I were laughing at him and he got mad and started yelling. It was hysterical. Ah, he's just really the best.

I love my boyfriend. Just throwing it out there. :)

I hate not doing anything. But I like where my life is right now. I can't wait until Spring because that's when everything begins to speed up and I'll be able to go out.

I was going to write something meaningful, but I'm lazy. I do have something in mind though. I'll save that until later. Cheers.

40 Days.

Tomorrow's Ash Wednesday. It just hit me a few minutes ago. It's so soon this year compared to the other years. I guess I wasn't prepared enough for it.

I usually don't give up anything during Lent. I try to do something fulfilling. I guess this year I'll be more appreciative with what I have and make each day worth it. Giving up candy and chocolate and Myspace really does nothing for me in the long run so why bother?

I'd like to do something worth it.

Project Hope 2008.

DARFUR, SUDAN

It always feels good to help out people. It feels even better helping out an entire country, especially one that is in such ruins. FBLA did an amazing job with organizing this event. We had fun and we were able to expand awareness about the events that are going on outside the U.S. Hopefully the seniors & juniors next year will be able to pull it off. We could do so much if we continue the successes of events like Project Hope.

Here are some pictures I managed to get (plus one from the Fashion Show - I forgot who took it). I'm too lazy to edit the others and some didn't come out as well as I hoped. I'm sure the good ones are on Savage's camera except I don't have those images. Anyway, enjoy & thanks for showing your support. :)

Phonxe

(L to R: Jen, Jared [drums], Matt, & James) Fashion Show
(Renato at center & various girls + Louis)

Phonxe

Papa Justice & the B-lags

(L to R: Jake, Matt, & Matt)

Here's the links to the Fashion Show as well, thanks to Nancy:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=HPfdlBRQeuw
http://youtube.com/watch?v=W69Q11e1lb4
http://youtube.com/watch?v=x73RJnN6L_k

"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
- M. K. Gandhi.

YAWN.

Life needs to pick up.

Let's settle the score.

I might be going to the Philippines in the summer.
I might be getting a dog when we come back from there.
I somewhat don't want a party.
I have a lot to do Sunday.
I need to clean my room.
I just want a job to get a camera & clothes.
I am just so selfish sometimes.
I miss the summer.
I am scared I might not get into college.

Oh and
I miss my boyfriend loads.
:(


But I still love my life.


"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."
- M.K. Gandhi.

Breath in for luck.

When all else fails, read.

I feel so anxious right now. My heart's racing and my hands are shaking. It could be from the cold air in my room or something else. My anxiety about college is getting to me. I'm so scared I might not get into the college I want to go to and I'll be stuck with some lame bottom of the list one. Maybe my QPA isn't good enough. I know my SAT score isn't. Or maybe my essays are just a bunch of my thoughts thrown together with no clarity. Backspace is my best friend right now because I can't seem to be writing as well as I should. :(

I really needed more than a three day weekend. I'd like for there to be a snow day, but the chances of that happening is slim to none. GRR. Stupid school. Stupid mid-terms. I wish we had exemptions. I hate worrying about myself and others. It's a terrible trait being so concerned about other people. Ay nako. That's all I can say.

& I hate running out of things to say. Really.

I must include this though. She-man was hilarious tonight.
So for shits & giggles:
Eman: yeah tell me about it
Eman: i have to do a double take sometimes
Eman: sometimes its like "is that a banana in her pocket?"
Eman: turns out its just her penis
Eman: it gets to the point wher i want the banana but then i realize its just a penis

Me: it's a movie about a vagina with teeth. like wtf.
Eman: that sounds kinky

There is a movie though about a "killer vagina" as he calls it. Watch the trailer. It made me laugh.


"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
- Albert Einstein.

I need $$$.

And a peace of mind.

My dad's being cruel, making fun of how I want that camera. It's pretty funny though. He and my brother are leaving for Philippines March 12, I think. My dad's coming back in April and my brother's coming back in August. We might be going to Philippines again during the summer. Yay.

$23.
Not sure if I want to spend my $250 on it. :/
I still need to pay back Joe and Emmanuel. Bah.

What a cruel, cruel world.

On repeat.

I haven't done any work yet and I've been home since 3:45. I've been in an antsy mood lately (besides Monday cause that was just a bad day). I want to go out and do something. I don't even know what nor do I care. Like, I'm starting to hate just sitting around and doing homework. Or even just being inside. I don't know why. I really can't wait until summer. I've been wanting to just go out to some immense field and lie down, staring up at the sky. For some reason, I've grown a fascination with the sky. Morning, afternoon, night. Night especially cause of the stars. I can't wait until I save up enough money to buy a good camera. I want to capture something beautiful. Ah, you have no idea how frustrated I get when I realize I can't do that. :(

I day dream regularly now. Sometimes, I just catch myself drifting away to the thoughts of warm weather and life. I miss the trees. I miss the vibrant colors painted across the sky. I miss the hum of the birds. I love winter, but not the desolate and dreary one we've been having. My ideal winter is sunny with a layer of powdered snow on the ground so that everything just happens to light up. I love those winters, but it's been getting warmer and snow seems to be nonexistent. It upsets me. There's not much I can do about that though. Spring and summer. That's what I'm waiting for. It's my something to look forward to since I don't have any right now.

This blog was basically pointless. Snaps if you read it and didn't fall asleep. :)


"The first step -- especially for young people with energy and drive and talent, but not money -- the first step to controlling your world is to control your culture. To model and demonstrate the kind of world you demand to live in. To write the books. Make the music. Shoot the films. Paint the art."
- Chuck Palahniuk.

Struck dumb.

I am a selfish little egocentric bitch.


EDIT. 9:37AM
Apart from that, I really can't wait until summer to watch this:

Even though I'm not that big of a fan for Batman.
It's a bad day already. Ugh.
My brother and dad are going to the Philippines some time in March. My dad's gonna be gone for about three weeks. My brother is probably gonna stay there for awhile. Probably for school, even. This depresses me. I wish I could go. It's still two months from now, but I'm gonna miss them both.

The start of being eighteen is rough as of now. :(
I am frustrated.

Total: $235
That is double the sad smilies. :( :(

"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now. Looking back makes you competitive."
- Morrie Schwartz.

Plus one.

Eighteen years and counting.

So I am officially an adult today. I can't say my birthday was the best because it wasn't. It had its ups and downs; more downs than I would have anticipated, but what can I do. The day started out fine. Nothing special except for the fact that I was really tired. Everyone said happy birthday, gave hugs, the usual sentiments. It seemed like my bad luck emerged during Health when I couldn't get my PowerPoint to work until ten minutes later. It was stupid. I hate technology. I still got a hundred on that though. Good for me, I suppose. After that, everything just sort of went downhill with copying my calculus homework and my failure to concentrate on studying for my AP Physics quiz. A few minutes after the quiz began, the stupid fire alarm goes off and we're stuck in the pouring rain for give or take ten minutes. And it's cold. And I had no coat. And I was wearing white. What a bitch that was. The good thing that came out of that was Laverick turned it into a take home test which I'm really thankful for because I don't understand collisions. Anyway, linguistics was just stupid. It's an easy A, but just a waste of my time, honestly. Frankie did surprise me though so that made up for the bad parts of the day.

I slept for an hour of my dinner party. It's not that I was ungrateful for it; I love my parents for doing that, but I guess I was just in a bad mood. My mom had me print out 70 copies of some flier for church so that took up time. Blah blah blah. My eighteenth birthday wasn't what I expected it to be, but I guess I just have to accept the fact that it wasn't amazing. Thanks to everyone though for all the birthday wishes.

Now, I have $257 and two shirts that I probably will never wear. Hah.

After the discussion I had in the senior lounge with Suzy, Matt, and Emmanuel, I guess I shouldn't worry so much about my future or expect things not to happen. I like to dream.


"Dream as if you'll live forever; Live as if you'll die tomorrow."
- James Dean.

Awkward.

That's how I feel using this. I've been so used to Xanga all my life. I needed a change and something different. Xanga was good for the mediocre and unimportant rants. I suppose this is my upgrade. I can't exactly say how devoted I'll be to this; I'll try to write as much as I can.

I got home today bursting with thoughts about my future. Every time around my birthday, I tend to re-evaluate my life and the events which led up to that day. I'm sure everyone does this; I'm not alone in that aspect. I'll be turning eighteen this Friday. I'm always excited for my birthday, but this year seems to be different. I'm still excited, but anxious at the same time. I'm going to be legal. I'm going to be an adult. I admit - I'm scared about being thrown into the real world. Having more responsibility than I do now is such a difficult idea for me to fathom. I've always had my parents guide me, but here I am, already making my own decisions about my future.

I'm very anxious about the decade left I have of education. This is what I get for wanting to become a doctor. That goal is near the top of my list. I want to do something amazing and saving the lives of children is the best thing I can possibly do for humanity - I want to be at their beginning so I can guarantee them a wonderful life. Medical school is what I'm scared of the most. From all the research I've done these past few days, I'll be at least a quarter of a million dollars in debt from undergraduate and graduate studies. Plus, during medical school, I won't have much of a life at all. Studying and learning are going to be what I live for. Right now, it seems like I won't have time for anything else like traveling or having my own family. Sacrifice is a large part of life, but, deep down, I don't want to give up my original dreams.

Do I want to give up a few of my dreams? Just to satisfy others?

"You didn't get it. Sacrifice is a part of life. It's supposed to be. It's not something to regret. It's something to aspire to."
- The Five People You Meet in Heaven


EDIT. 8:52PM
$430?! For senior pictures? WTF. That's half a thousand dollars. Practically. AH. This is insane. I just needed to get that out. But dude, wtf.