Am I the only one who still has a reason to care?
I've been feeling.. not me lately. If that makes any sense. I'm trying to re-evaluate my life and my goals. I've had a change of perspective recently with what I want to do and such. It's still a plan in the making and I'm not exactly sure if I'll be able to go through with it, but maybe if I'm motivated enough. Yes, I really am thinking about dropping becoming a pediatrician to be a neurologist instead. Lethal.
Feeling under-the-weather is annoying. It affects how other people perceive me. If I don't feel good, I don't act good. The thing with that is, people don't really know when I feel good or bad unless I tell them. I've always been someone who was able to comfort herself. I was never one to lean on other people for support even when I really needed to. Over the years, it feels as if I never really "settled" into having a complete best friend, a confidant. I mean, there are people I talk to, but there's never anyone who I can completely trust to the point where I can tell them anything and they always have something to say, not just a "Aw, it's okay" or "Don't worry." I need advice. Real advice. Real conversation. I don't want pity at all. That's the worst thing you can do to me; pity me. It's almost March and I'm already feeling this way all over again. I've always prided myself on being able to control situations and keep my emotions in check, but lately, I've been slacking in that area. These emotions have been.. accumulating over the years and months and I've never had a real outlet for it. I haven't been purging my emotions to anyone because I feel as if they won't really, truly understand. Right now, I don't know. I'm not an attention seeker. I just like the comfort of knowing that there's someone out there who I can lean on and who can help me with my problems.
Ever since mid-February, I've been feeling a lot of emotional stress. Usually, I try not to acknowledge it in hopes of it going away on its own. I have a thing where I think if I don't take notice of whatever is bothering me and shrug it off, it won't come true. Well, that totally backfired this weekend and it's been bugging me ever since. Deep down, I am an emotional person. On the outside, I just seem distant and cold, but in reality I'm intuitive and I take everything that happens to me and around me into account. I think about it to the point of over-analyzing. Yes, I know that's bad, but it's something I can't help. I always have to question. I need a reason or else I blame myself for everything. I'm okay in school, but when I'm alone and with time to think, that's when it gets to me. I have a realistic outlook on life (which most often people see as pessimism when it really isn't) and I like to know things. I don't like being kept in the dark or lied to or be given false hope. It's a thing of the past for me. My emotional stress is being translated into physical exhaustion. I haven't been feeling well lately and I don't even remember when I've felt extremely rested.
I feel completely helpless.
I've been feeling.. not me lately. If that makes any sense. I'm trying to re-evaluate my life and my goals. I've had a change of perspective recently with what I want to do and such. It's still a plan in the making and I'm not exactly sure if I'll be able to go through with it, but maybe if I'm motivated enough. Yes, I really am thinking about dropping becoming a pediatrician to be a neurologist instead. Lethal.
Feeling under-the-weather is annoying. It affects how other people perceive me. If I don't feel good, I don't act good. The thing with that is, people don't really know when I feel good or bad unless I tell them. I've always been someone who was able to comfort herself. I was never one to lean on other people for support even when I really needed to. Over the years, it feels as if I never really "settled" into having a complete best friend, a confidant. I mean, there are people I talk to, but there's never anyone who I can completely trust to the point where I can tell them anything and they always have something to say, not just a "Aw, it's okay" or "Don't worry." I need advice. Real advice. Real conversation. I don't want pity at all. That's the worst thing you can do to me; pity me. It's almost March and I'm already feeling this way all over again. I've always prided myself on being able to control situations and keep my emotions in check, but lately, I've been slacking in that area. These emotions have been.. accumulating over the years and months and I've never had a real outlet for it. I haven't been purging my emotions to anyone because I feel as if they won't really, truly understand. Right now, I don't know. I'm not an attention seeker. I just like the comfort of knowing that there's someone out there who I can lean on and who can help me with my problems.
Ever since mid-February, I've been feeling a lot of emotional stress. Usually, I try not to acknowledge it in hopes of it going away on its own. I have a thing where I think if I don't take notice of whatever is bothering me and shrug it off, it won't come true. Well, that totally backfired this weekend and it's been bugging me ever since. Deep down, I am an emotional person. On the outside, I just seem distant and cold, but in reality I'm intuitive and I take everything that happens to me and around me into account. I think about it to the point of over-analyzing. Yes, I know that's bad, but it's something I can't help. I always have to question. I need a reason or else I blame myself for everything. I'm okay in school, but when I'm alone and with time to think, that's when it gets to me. I have a realistic outlook on life (which most often people see as pessimism when it really isn't) and I like to know things. I don't like being kept in the dark or lied to or be given false hope. It's a thing of the past for me. My emotional stress is being translated into physical exhaustion. I haven't been feeling well lately and I don't even remember when I've felt extremely rested.
I feel completely helpless.
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